Positive Self Improvement and Motivation

The admonition, "do not judge" has been taken to ridiculous lengths in modern life. Even the most absurd, inappropriate, or self-serving behavior rates a PASS by those determined not to criticize.

Were all the poorer for it, since relevant nuances of thought and behavior go determinedly unnoticed.

It sounds noble and open-minded to declare, "I wont judge." The statement implies: I don't think I'm better than you. My behavior isn't any different than yours. It further implies external standards don't apply. All words and deeds are equal.

Refusing to judge has become the unchallenged and worthy (see, thats a "judgment" word) objective. A statement of fact (even if totally true) that sounds the least bit judgmental brings instant rebuke from all directions, "Don't judge!"

That phrase defines our culture - with everyone busily not judging... or noticing... or standing up for any notion that could be construed as "better," or "higher," or "good for the world."

The reasoning goes like this: To judge someone else is bad (oops, one of those darned judgment words, though its usually permitted in this case).

So I refuse to do it.

Instead, I must do the opposite - which is to avoid judging.

So when I do that I'm good and fair (more of those darned words).

The problem is, thats a simplistic example of either-or thinking - judge versus not judge - choosing between opposites. Either one is a verb - something one does. To attempt to do both (avoiding either one) sounds less judgmental, but leaves one paralyzed.

The phrase, "do not judge" has been totally misunderstood and misapplied. Its not about doing something (or not). It refers to resisting the urge to judge (or not), so you can be free to try something entirely different. It refers to a place within yourself where judging isn't possible.

Go there. Disengage momentarily from trying to change or fix things. Suspend your preferences. Appreciate whats unfolding, without the need to understand it. Theres nothing needs doing. Peace reigns.

See, its a place within - an awareness, a place of clarity. And its name is DO NOT JUDGE. Whatever makes you want to criticize or "fix" yourself or anyone else is a reminder to go there.

We almost all think we are masters of our own fate. While it is true that we all make our own choices there are many things that influence what we choose. Ask yourself: Why do some people choose professions that help only themselves while others of us choose professions that help those in need.

Health and wellness professionals all share the desire to help others. Our work is commendable and very important, but why do we choose the profession were in.

Professionals in the caring jobs share some unique qualities. Were almost always creative, sensitive and nurturing. We also almost all share a willingness help others in every way possible and suffer pangs of guilt if we say no. Our willingness to help sometimes comes with a price. It leaves us vulnerable to burn out.

some clients can be draining to even the most enthusiastic wellness professional.

Burnout is often the result of a professional feeling overwhelmed with his or her job responsibilities. Lets face it caring for others can be a burden. Even if you love your job facing unmotivated, clients can be draining to even the most enthusiastic wellness professional. Add to this any inside pressure from trying to make a decent living, dealing with negative attitudes of coworkers or pressure with sales commissions and you're on the road to feeling more negative yourself.

Caregivers tend to burn out more quickly than others because we typically put the needs of those around us first. By the time we are through dealing with the issues of our clients, families and friends we have little left for ourselves.

So how do you deal effectively with those clients who seem to have a seek out and destroy personality Simple, you learn to develop your own repair and replenish skills now and make them an important part of your everyday routine.

Make it a point to be more aware of your surroundings. Try to notice the little things that bring joy to your life and take a moment to reflect on them.

Learn to say no - not all the time but some time. When someone asks for another piece of your time, a little more of your energy, or is looking for you to commit to their newest project, take the time to know if its the right choice for you. Make it your personal policy to never give an answer that you haven't had at least 24 hours to think about theres much to be said for the adage of let me sleep on it.

Nurture yourself with a trip to the gym, a visit to a day SPA, tickets to your favorite play or concert. Even a leisurely walk can be a rejuvenating gift.

Talk, talk and then talk some more. Find peer professionals that share similar values and goals and talk about work. Some think its taboo to talk about work on your days off but in reality it is important to be able to share your feelings and frustration with someone who understands how you feel and their feedback can be very helpful.

Vacations aren't just what other people do. You earn the time too. Take your vacation time all together or in shorter bursts. What ever works for you is fine just take those days and forget about work for awhile.

Sometimes a nurturing personality can open the door for our own wellness to suffer and it is up to each person to find the tools that help to keep them on track and healthy. By learning to say no, nurturing yourself, becoming more aware of your surroundings, talking to a trusted peer and taking a break when you can, you'll be able to find a healthy balance in your professional and personal life leading to greater business success and satisfaction.

Do you have a goal A focus in life Have you invested a great deal of time, effort, money to achieve and yet feel you haven't made it yet For all your effort do you still feel that there is something missing in your life It is obviously very important to set goals in your life. It gives you a focus a way forward a mechanism for making decisions when faced with a number of options. However, it can also be a prison cell.

How can making goals and having a focus be a prison cell we hear you ask. It becomes a prison cell when you create goals based on your past experiences. You look back at your skills and capabilities and then decide what you ought to focus on. In other words you set the future on the past. It creates the illusion that you are going forward when all the time you are stuck within the boundary of your past capabilities. Its like driving your car by looking in the rear view mirror all the time. You have a great vision of what happened in the past but haven't a clue about what is coming in front of you. The point is: whatever happened in the past is not a true indication of your potential.

As Alan Cohen stated: "To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny."

In other words if you continue to do what you have always done then you can only expect to get what you've always got. If you constantly focus on the past, the negative or on what is missing in your life you have no alternative but to create limited goals and focus. You are back in that prison cell again.

You need to break the cycle. How do you do it You change your thinking.

To give yourself the chance of changing your thinking. A chance to create the life you want. A chance to create a focus and goals that you want to achieve. Start by answering the following questions. They are not easy, but they will enable you, in time, to become very focussed.

Where are you now Where are you in life

Describe your current situation.

What are your priorities in life

How important are your close friends and relations to you

What influence do you have on your partners life How do they influence you Do you like this

Do you like where your life is going

Where do you want to go

What is success to you When you are on your death bed looking back at your life what would you like to think your life was about

Visit the questions often until you feel you really understand where you are now and where you want to go. How you get there will become obvious as you progress. Don't rush, you have plenty of time. Keep focussed inside, on yourself. Think of yourself as opening a bank account of the self. The more time you put in, the more credit appears on the bank account and therefore in time the more is available for withdrawal.

Now the crucial question:

What holds you back What stops you going for what you want to achieve in your life

It is not enough just to create a focus and a plan. To understand where you are now and where you want to go. To change something you have to DO SOMETHING. Put your plans into action. Until you have put your plan into action, you haven't changed. You are still doing what you have always done.

Become a member of the 20% club. Thats the percentage of successful people in the world. Put your focus into action. Its your focus, you have thought it, designed it and built it, now have the enthusiasm, desire and aim to implement it.

Change the I cant into I can. Think for a moment. Is this fear real Or is it that your imagination has taken over, stopping you from embracing the future Because, at the moment, you have no evidence of what is going to happen. The only evidence you have is in the past. And as you have not done this before, at this time, then you have no evidence.

Don't worry about your capabilities. Can I do this I have never done anything like this before What will I do when. There is something magical about this process called life. Whenever we are faced with an incident we have never faced before somehow the answer arrives. Somehow we have the capability. They appear just when you need them most. If you look back over your life we are sure you will find, like us, that most of the time you set out to do something you didn't have the capability before you started. The biggest example is education. When you started did you know all the knowledge you had at the end or did you become capable as you went along

All you need is courage, enthusiasm and discipline. Have the courage to drive towards your goals, the enthusiasm to keep going and the discipline to create a new habit even when it is tough. Keep focussed, keep learning.

The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting goals and achieving them. Even the most tedious chore will become endurable as you parade through each day convinced that every task, no matter how menial or boring, brings you closer to fulfilling your dreams.

To give yourself a better than average chance of success. Each night before you go to sleep ask yourself: What did I do today to bring me closer to achieving my focus, my aim and objective in life Break out of the prison cell.